Your Choice
by Eternalight
Summary: Roxas has left the Organization, and Xigbar feels the ever familiar guilt slowing eating him up inside." *No Slash* -Slight BBS Spoilers-


**_Rating:_** K. :P  
**_Characters/Relationships:_** Xigbar and Roxas as the main relationship. *NO SLASH* (You should know by now that I don't play that way.)  
**_Warnings?:_** Errrrrrr. Yes. Slightly spoiler warning for both 358/2 Days, *AND* for the upcoming game Birth By Sleep. Although the BBS spoilers could be considered nothing more than random guessing. This was written before I started reading spoilers for BBS, so some things aren't true. So not much of a problem. The only spoilers for days is because of what Roxas did, and a slight something about Xion. I hope that doesn't bother you. But I tend to do stuff like this.  
_**Word Count:**_ 2,180.  
_**Notes:**_ I suppose you could call this post Days rambling and theories. Because I'm a fan of the small relationship that Roxas and Xigbar shared in Days. I thought of it as something quite interesting and I wondered why he was being tender and what not. Figured it had something to do with Ventus and this is just the plotbunny based on that theory. Got a little too many theories in here probably. But neh. It's late, and I'm thinking stuff.

This _had_ to be written because there is nothing about Roxas and Xigbar that **_isn't _**slash, so I figured I might as well add something worthwhile to the fandom and prove that the Orgy can share relationships that isn't Yaoi. Also. Might have Xigbar out of character in some sense, but in Days he was slightly like this. But it was the first time I ever wrote for Roxas or Xigbar. So if you see anything, tell me nicely. Lolz.

(c:) Xigbar, Roxas and Axel aren't mine. Nothing is mine expect this fan fiction, so don't come to my door to kill me. Because I'm not claiming them to be mine, I know they belong to Sqaure Enix. :D

* * *

Xigbar, the Freeshooter walked into this bedroom at the Castle That Never Was with a click of the door and an annoyed sigh. He leaned up against the doorframe and shut his eye. It seemed that as of late, the whole Organization XIII was going to darkness in a hand basket, as the old saying went. _Anything _that could possibly go wrong went wrong all in a matter of days.

Firstly, all the members at Castle Oblivion were more or less wiped off the map, and the castle was nothing less than a graveyard that harbored their essences. Then "Poppet" managed to escape and Superior knows where on earth she was, after the suggestion of shutting down the Replica Project reached his ears that one day, he figured that she was as good as dead.

Then Roxas left the Organization.

He didn't quite understand why the boy had left, and no one cared enough to give him the details or even a single hint at the reasoning. Figuring that it wasn't worth the effort. All he knew was that he was gone, and Axel had left to find him.

All of this was far too much for one single being—no, he wasn't a being at all, and he corrected himself---Nobody to comprehend in his already troubled head. He moved himself away from the door and walked to his window.

Why did he care about what happened to a single Nobody? Or more or less, what happened to a single kid? Why was he getting himself worked up over nothing? He never had before, but now it all seemed to crash around him and he felt smothered suddenly. He looked up at the moon of Kingdom Hearts, searching for answers and yet found none to help him.

He shook his head as he crossed his arms in frustration.

"As if I'd actually find them there." He uttered to himself. "It's because of what he is, it's because of who---" he stopped, he couldn't finish for his eyesight (Or at lest his good eye.) looked at the far end of his window and noticed an envelope that he hadn't seen before.

He reached over with one gloved hand and picked it up. It was a plain envelope; lightly colored blue, with no named gracing the back or front. And a single thread of tape was the only thing that kept it sealed.

For a moment as he turned it in his hands, Xigbar wondered where exactly it had come from, only for a moment at lest, for his curiosity got the better and he opened it. The handwriting was sloppy and rushed, and he merely glanced in disgust until he noticed that the bottom was signed "Roxas". That got his interest and he started from the beginning.

'_Xigbar,_

_I don't know who to trust anymore. I can't trust Axel, it's not like what he told me about Xion and myself was ever the truth anyway. He kept so much hidden from me, about the Replica Project, about Xion, and about me! And he called me his best friend! I can't trust the Organization, and I don't even know if I can trust you. But I had to tell someone that I was leaving. Of all the people I don't understand or believe, it's myself least of all that I can't figure out._

_Everything is too confusing! So many images, and questions running through my mind all at once. Why did the Keyblade choose me? Who is this Sora that everyone always talks about behind my back? You called me special before. Why am I special then? I don't know what exactly I am, I can't even be sure of who I am any more. By the time you see this, I'll already be gone. It's a risk, I know. But I can't bear to be around the liars. No one trusts Xion, or me. I'm done, okay? There is nothing left for me here._

_I always knew that you, out of all the Organization besides Axel, were the only one that treated me like I wasn't just another number. Rather or not that meant something to you…it did to me. Best just to forget about me though. I tried…but…it didn't work out. _

_**I'm done with this.**_

_Roxas – "Kiddo"'_

When Xigbar had stopped reading, anger built up inside of his chest, or what he thought could be anger. Had Saix seen him, he would have scoffed and said that it was nothing more than memory emotions swirling in the darkness of their shells, or some other such nonsense. His hand crumbled the letter so tightly that the only thing that was barley left readable was his name and Roxas'.

"Stupid! Stupid, stupid kid! What was he thinking! Stupid!" He screamed to the empty walls of his room. The Organization wouldn't take this betrayal lightly; they'd murder the kid for doing this crazy harebrained scheme. Or perhaps something even more dreadful, like what they did to the members at Castle Oblivion. Even as he let the letter fall to the ground in a heap, something in the back of his mind itched. From Roxas's words it made it clear that the kid thought that Xigbar _cared_ about him. Actually treated him fairly.

Cared? That was an emotion.

"As if." He scoffed, looking down at the letter once again. It was a load of garbage. He didn't care, he couldn't care for him in the very lest. He was a Nobody. He had no heart. Roxas was just a pawn in a bigger picture to him. What he thought was foolish and a lie.

Or…? Subconsciously, as he was thinking over everything that he just saw, he reached up and placed a hand to his facial scar. It was a dark reminder of the past.

"Of the past." He found himself saying. Then his mind drifted again, to a few days before, in the world where Xion and him fought. Everyone had always seen "Poppet" differently when they looked at her. He had heard that both Axel and the kid had seen her as a normal girl, like she truly belonged as one of them. Saix and the others, they saw her as a puppet, and nothing more. Xigbar on the other hand, he had seen Ventus.

He frowned when that name entered his mind. Ventus, it was like it was a curse upon his lips, that child had been nothing but trouble in his past! Why was he thinking of him now?! But that look, those eyes that had pierced his soul that one fragment in time …the fact that he looked like Roxas.

He screamed and slammed his fist into his wall. Leaving a small crack where his hand met brick. He had screwed up in the past, what he did to that kid's friend. _What was the name again? _He thought, then it came to him, although he wished it hadn't. For it brought memories that were better off forgotten. _Terra_. Yes, yes that was his name. How Ventus looked at him as Terra went to free Master Xehanort, and started his long decent into the darkness.

The blond kid looked at him that day as he stood there apart from him, and recalled the battle he saw, how both he and Terra left their scars on one another. Although in his case, it was more physical. He gave him a single look, and behind those blue eyes Xigbar could read everything.

"I hate you! I hate you! This is your fault! You did to him! If it weren't for you, Terra would still be with us! Why did you do it! Why! Why!"

Xigbar winced as he remembered it. Heart or not, smug laughter or not, it still burned inside of him having to see Xion turn into that "ghost" from his past. He then nodded, that was it, that was his answer he wanted. That was the exact reason why he looked after Roxas.

Because he was desperately trying to atone for his past failures and sins, he never again wanted Ventus to look at him that way. That's why he praised the boy, told him he was special, gave him those names, everything he did was because he wanted to make things right. Ventus wanted to become a Keyblade master, and he never had a chance because of him. Because of what he did in self-defense. So through Roxas he said he cared about his future as a Keyblade wielder, and did his best to teach him what he could.

Because of what Xehanort did to his heart, it destroyed him. So he felt the need to try and protect him from harm. _Was it enough?_ He wondered, because Xigbar had a hand in it! By Kingdom Hearts! The blame should have been his alone! He wanted to scream to anyone and ask him or her if it was enough to fix it!

Everything from the past haunted him. And the kid---"Roxas you idiot…Roxas. He has a name. Use it!"---Roxas looked too much like Ventus to do anything else but. It was far too easy for Xigbar to get attached to him. He could admit that Roxas had spunk if anyone asked him. His upbeat attitude and how he looked at things with a fierce excitement and determination made him feel amused. But what was that crazy crap that Axel always brought up? That Roxas made him feel as though he had a heart? That he had purpose?

…That was what he hated to admit. That he _did_ like the boy and that he made Xigbar feel proud when he did well in his missions, and when came back with one of those blasted smiles and ice-cream sticks.

And that…in some odd way, that Xemnas would have most likely, along with Saix, (Oh how he hated them both.) laughed about if they knew, he felt like a true being around him. And not an empty shell of the man he once was. He _did_ have purpose around Roxas, and felt responsible for once in his life.

He knew that if it had been different, if his alliance had been shifted, Ventus and him could have been friends. But fate rarely goes the way people, even people such as Nobodies, want it to go.

Now Roxas was gone, more than likely to his demise if Xemnas ever found out. And it hurt. It was the emotion he felt when he became Xigbar, and it was the emotion that his memories of Braig allowed him to 'feel'. He failed again. He failed Roxas and he failed Ventus. And that hurt more than anything else did.

Xigbar glanced at the letter at his feet, picked it up and looked at Roxas signed it. He gave a small grin.

"Fine then. Leave. That's your choice Tiger." He said, and then threw it out his open window. Hoping that it would join the rest of the darkness below. With one final sigh he walked out of his room, raising his hood as he did, and left the door ajar.

* * *

Walking through the halls of the castle, an uneasy quietness hung in the air above him. He had once said that he would enjoy the sound of silence. But this was too much for him; it seemed like no one was even alive within the walls anymore.

He didn't know where he was going and he did not care to even give it another thought. He just wanted to get away. As he approached the bottom stairway of Naught's Skyway, he saw that another member was walking slowly past him, staggering as he went. The hair was a dead giveaway. It was Axel. Xigbar stopped, he knew that this would be his only chance. He had to take it.

"Hey, Axel."

The red head didn't respond, or even look at him, only stopped beside him.

"What happened to the kid--" he shut his mouth, he knew this wasn't the right way to go about the conversation, he opened and tried a different approach instead. "What happened to Roxas, where is he?"

Hearing Xigbar call him by his name made Axel turn. He looked a mess, his eyes were half lidded and a hard frown decorated his features, making him look older than he really was. Xigbar couldn't tell if it was out of 'anger' or 'sadness' but it was something unpleasant. Axel avoided his golden eyes as he spoke.

"Gone."

"Gone?" He repeated. This wasn't what he wanted to hear. He knew he was gone, he wasn't a fool.

"Yeah. Said he had to. Get answers. Said no one will miss him." With that said, Axel turned and continued the stairs, leaving Xigbar alone in the empty hallway with only the wind blowing back his cloak, but he didn't move. Soon enough _The Flurry of Dancing Flames_ was gone. Although both men didn't speak or look at one another again, their thoughts simultaneously rushed through their mind.

'_That's a lie. I will.'_


End file.
